Your No Longer Cool

- You find yourself listening to talk radio.

- You daughter says she got pierced and you look at her ears.

- The pattern on your shorts and couch match.

- You fondly remember your powder blue leisure suit.

- You think Tragically Hip is when a middle-aged man gets a new sports car, hair piece and a 20 year old girlfriend.

- You criticize the kids of today for their satanic suicide-inducing music, forgetting that you rocked to Alice Cooper and Black Sabbath.

- You call the police on a noisy party next door instead of grabbing beer and joining it.

- You turn down free tickets to a rock concert because you have to work the next day.

- When grass is something that you cut, not cultivate.

- When jogging is something you do to your memory.

- Getting a little action means your prune juice is working.

- All the cars behind you flash their headlights.

- You remember the "Rolling Stones" as a rock group not a corporation.

- You bought your first car for the same price you paid for your son's new running shoes.

- You actually ASK for your father's advice.

- You don't know how to operate a fax machine.

- When someone mentions SURFING you picture waves and a surf board.